My Pathways

I recently read somewhere that we create “pathways” throughout our lives in our relationship with others.  I began to reflect on exactly what that meant, and this is what I discovered.  Mind you, everyone has their own interpretation of how their lives are shaped, this is simply my way of thinking how my life has evolved, but I know my definition isn’t for everyone.

When I was a growing up I couldn’t understand why some people were part of my life and others weren’t.  I didn’t know why I got stuck with the mean teacher or the bad coach, why I had some friends and not others, why some girls liked me and others wouldn’t give me the time of day.  Of course, like any other boy I wanted the nice teacher, the fun coach, the coolest friends and the cutest girl to like me, but to me it seemed that I was always the unlucky one.  Why did I have to eat at the nerd table at lunch?  Why was it that the girl with the gap in her front teeth and big nose seem to like me, but the pretty blond with a bow in her hair would never look my way?  Why was I always in the PE class with the smoking, alcoholic coach that wore his gym shorts too high?  Why was my teacher the one with the bad breath who yelled all the time?  Why me??

As I grew older my relationships with others evolved.  I grew out of my awkward stage and started to gain muscle.  My baseball and football teammates became my friends.  The cute girls began to notice me.  My teachers and coaches became more tolerable.  I started working and created new relationships as an employee.  I became the trainer and not the trainee.  My life was changing and I began to discover the true “me!”

I became an adult.  People came in and out of my life.  Fraternity brothers, girlfriends, professors, co-workers, bosses, roommates, shipmates and extended families.  I matured, married, had children, became a teacher, became a coach, and became a boss.  More people became interwoven into my life and I slowly discovered that there was purpose and meaning to every aspect of my experiences and interactions with everyone that I considered a part of who I had become.

I’m going to become a grandpa for the first time in December.  My life is evolving once again.  I’m discovering that my experiences and what I’ve learned from all those that have been a part of my life have taught and prepared me for this new moment.  You see, I now understand what creating “pathways” throughout our lives really means.  My pathways have led me to each and every one I’ve come in contact with throughout my life.  Throughout the years I’ve learned to avoid certain paths and run to others.  I’ve learned to enjoy the view along some paths and turn away from the ugliness of others.  I’ve learned to love and cherish where some paths lead me, and pray for guidance down those foreign or unknown to me.

As an older man, I see my pathways as an opportunity to hold my granddaughter’s hand and lead her down her own pathways as she grows.  I will help her learn which directions to avoid and which paths are safe.  She will have to discover her own way, but my life would mean nothing if I didn’t share with her and others the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

~A Common Man

I Resolve To.....

Each year I find myself getting caught up on what my New Year's resolution will be.  It seems to always center around weight reduction, getting back into shape, etc.  Although I still need to focus on those areas (too frequently, to be perfectly honest), this year I'd like to think I'm capable of resolving to accomplish something far greater....being kinder and far more understanding of those around me.

Not too long ago I got irritated by someone driving a 4x4 pickup truck far too fast and erratic (in my estimation), cutting me off on the highway.  I was going the speed limit, but it wasn't fast enough for him, and he took it upon himself to speed past me, then cut me off - almost like he was trying to prove a point or something.  Of course, I didn't respond well and said a few things in his direction that I probably shouldn't have.  Not only did it not solve the situation, it made me irritable for a time afterwards.  I allowed his actions to control my own behavior.  Not good.....

So, how I can resolve to control my emotions in a more productive manor?  How can I reprogram myself to get less upset and let things go?  I can start by considering the following:

1. Not everyone sees things the way I do.  Just because my perspective of things may feel right to me, in all likelihood the guy in front of me may not see it the same way.  The guy who cut me off may have needed to be somewhere quicker than I was allowing with him behind me.  Maybe he had a job interview.  Maybe he had a sick child he needed to get to.  Maybe he was late for an important meeting.  Maybe he was just being a jerk, but why should I automatically make that assumption?

2. Realize that EVERYONE has their own issues to resolve.  I shouldn't require others to act the way I think they should act, or say the things I think they should say.  If everyone has a right to be their own person, shouldn't I allow them that right?  Who am I to force others into my definition of being a good person?

3. Be considerate, no matter how bad the situation.  I must realize that others will do and say things that are hurtful to me, but they may not realize it.  I must understand I will say or do things that are considered hurtful by others as well.  If I'm to do a better job of realizing that others don't necessarily mean to be hurtful, I must start with myself and consider what I say or how I respond first.

This year, I resolve to be more grateful for what I have, more patient with others and not take things so personally, and consider the fact that all of us have our own stuff to deal with on a daily basis.  It starts with me....It starts with you.  Let's do this together; what do you say?

A Common Man

It's the End of the World as We Know It.....and I Feel Fine!

I am an unapologetic believer in all things good.  I believe that the world was created by an extraordinary being.  I believe that good and bad things happen to us and around us for a reason.  I believe that mankind is inherently good, but we are capable of creating chaos and purposeful evil.

The beheading of innocent journalists, the kidnapping of young girls to marry off in the name of an incomprehensible religion, the downing of aircraft filled with unsuspecting passengers, inner city wars and attacks on the defenseless – pure evil.  Whether we like it or not, malevolence exists in this world.

Within our own borders we have a dysfunctional national government that would rather gridlock on principal than compromise for the good of the nation.  Our most recent election has given power to one party while the Commander in Chief is of the opposite.  The next two years do not look promising if congress is to get things done for the good of its citizens.  School shootings are on the rise.  Innocent child are targeted for reason only known by the perpetrator, who inevitably take their own lives when the damage is done.  We argue about the pros and cons of gun control; both with compelling reasons to support or not support the issues.  The legalization of marijuana, the growing concern to protect our borders, the heightened awareness of commutable deceases crossing over into our country; each of these beg the question – is society truly deteriorating right in front of us?

Debate for the sake of discussion must have two sides.  If we acknowledge that evil in our world does exist and that society appears to be tearing itself apart, we must also recognize that there is still plenty of good in this world and across our land.

Internationally, doctors, nurses and health care professionals enter into the most impoverished parts of the world to provide medical aid and comfort to the sick and infirm.  National and international organizations pool resources together to help others during natural disasters.  A police officer on patrol stops to provide a homeless man with a new pair of shoes and some cleans socks, walking him into a shoe store and paying for it out of his own pocket.  Social media websites highlight acts of generosity and kindness – The Ice Bucket Challenge, Breast Cancer Awareness events, animal rescue opportunities, and on and on – good still exists in this world.

All of this begs the question – Is it the end of the world?  Are we nearing self destruction or The Rapture?  Some would argue with me that yes, we are all heading towards Armageddon, but I disagree.  Sure, there is evil in this world.  Evil is now visible to us twenty four hours a day, thanks in large part to on-line access and expanding news outlets; but so is good.  It depends on where you’re looking.  My belief is that destruction of this world will not occur until ever last being has had the opportunity to hear the good news of the creator.  With all the evil in today’s world, there are far too many good people left with a purpose for doing the right thing.  What about you?  What are you doing to preserve this wonderfully created world in which we were all given the gift to live in?

A Common Man

When Humans and Pets Collide...

I’ve heard it said that the heart and soul of our pets dwells inside us as closely as our own flesh and blood.  There is something unique about a relationship that is established when we bring an animal into our homes, tend to its needs, care for it, love it and treat it like they’re a member of the family.

My family and I recently decided to relocate to West Texas for a job opportunity that was too good to pass up.  The only real problem with the move wasn't the logistics of getting everything moved over, it was what to do with the animals.  Our home consists of two dogs and four cats!  We had the option of hauling each of them in the cargo hold of an airplane, flying to Texas with them.  Let’s just say that was a very short-lived conversation between my wife and me!  I was ok with getting each of them carriers and having them fly on the plane to get them across country.  My wife was ok with it too as long as they could be in the cabin with us!  For her, she wants them to have all the creature comforts of life that we do.  I’m starting to understand that.  It’s taken me a while, but I’m finally beginning to realize that our pets truly are a part of us.

As I mentioned previously we have four cats and two dogs.  One of our cats has always struggled to get along with the rest of the pack.  She has a very unique personality – drinking from the faucet and not the water dish, licking herself incisively, refusing to play nice with the other animals, etc.  She was also one of the most loving cats I’ve ever seen as well.  Once you gained her trust she would come to you and insist you pet her.  She’d do her “kitty dance” in the closet and roll around trying to get you to reach down and pet her.  She was a handful to say the least!  Of the four cats we decided to put her up for adoption.  Our concern was that she’d really struggle with the move, and we determined that this particular cat would make an older couple of single person a great companion.  We also knew that she would do better in a home where she could be the queen all on her own.  The decision to put her up for adoption was extremely painful for us, though.  Not know exactly who she would be with was difficult to grasp.  There was a part of me that thought, “Come on Russ, she’s just a cat!”  The reality is that she is more than just a cat; she’s become a part of me and my family.  She IS family!  She’s a pain in the butt, she’s fussy, she’s messy, she’s temperamental………she’s us.  In the end I know she’ll probably be happier in another home, but we will always wonder about her.  We can’t help it; it’s our nature to be concerned for members of our family regardless of where they live.

So off we will go to Texas with two dogs and three cats, putting them in the limited space our SUV will allow.  We will stay in hotels and motels that accept animals.   We will make frequent stops so they can walk around, go to the bathroom, get some fresh air, and bark at strangers.  Some will come up and ask what our dog’s names our.  Others will take a wide path around our Puggle due to his consistent barking of “Hey, Hey, Hey, Whatcha doing?  Wanna play with me?  What’s your name?  Got any dogs of your own I can chase?”  Nonetheless, away we will go to West Texas as a family, humans and animals alike.  In the end, we will continue to make sacrifices everyday for our animals just like we do our children.  We will love them, nurture them, feed them, take them to the doctor when necessary, play with them, and provide them with a safe place they can call home.  After all, our animals are our family, right?

A Common Man  

Blog of a Common Man: Fly the Friendly Skies...

Blog of a Common Man: Fly the Friendly Skies...: Throughout my years I have flown countless times.  The first trip I can remember was flying with my dad and grandpa on, what seemed to ...

Fly the Friendly Skies...

Throughout my years I have flown countless times.  The first trip I can remember was flying with my dad and grandpa on, what seemed to be short flight in a small twin prop.  I can remember as I got older that our family rarely flew anywhere.  It seemed to me that flying was for the wealthy.  We were middle class, and flying to any destination was simply a luxury we couldn't afford.  On those rare occasions when my parents did pay for us to fly somewhere it was a big event.  I can remember my mom dressing up, my dad wearing a coat and tie, and my brother and I outfitted as if we were going to church.  Flying seemed to be a big deal for everyone.  The flight attendants were called stewardess back then, because all of them were women.  They did their best during the flight to cater to each and every passenger, regardless of where you sat or how fancy you dressed.  We were served full meals during the flight.  A full length movie played in the front of the cabin, and the flight was an adventure all within itself.  I used to get excited about flying.  The thrill and experience I had on those rare occasions to fly carried over for me into my adulthood.  And then, September 11, 2001 happened……….

Overnight everything changed in the airline industry.  The Department of Homeland Security was established and the Transportation Safety Administration, or TSA, was formed.  What used to be an exciting adventure became a dreadful experience.  As the years have progressed security has tighten, due in large part to continuing terrorist attempts on public transportation systems, including the airline industry.  Today, in order to board any flight in the United States you must do the following:

1.       Stand in a security line at the airport and show a photo ID and your boarding pass to a TSA agent.

2.       Once you've cleared the initial screening, you must remove everything out of your pockets, remove your jacket, remove your belt, remove your shoes, remove your jewelry, remove any liquids of 3 oz or less from your bag, and remove your laptop computer before feeding all of it through an x-ray machine.

3.       Next, you yourself will walk into another screening machine that scans you from head to toe, looking for anything you may try to bring into the boarding area or on the plane.  If something shoes up on your image, you will be patted down by another TSA agent and must be cleared before you can retrieve your belongings.

4.       At times TSA will randomly select someone, or their personal belongings, for an additional swab to detect explosive substances on your luggage or your person.

5.       Once you've made it to your gate you will need to show your boarding pass one last time before you are allowed on the plane.  On rare occasions TSA may chose your particular flight to once again check IDs against boarding passes and random bag checks.

I understand that the bottom line of Homeland Security and TSA are to achieve greater safety measures for all passengers flying in and out of the United States, but I must admit that at times common sense was thrown out the window and the pendulum has swung a full 180 degrees to the opposite side of how air travel experience used to be.

The airline industry as a whole has shifted too.  Gone are the free meals and full length movies on most flights, unless you’re willing to pay for it.  Ticket prices over the years have skyrocketed (literally).  It’s not uncommon for a couple to spend nearly $2,000 for a round trip ticket across the country.  Airline fees have climbed through the roof as well.  As an example, I recently flew home to Seattle, WA.  Here are my charges:

Round trip from Midland, TX to Seattle, WA - $1,093

Upgrade to a seat with more leg room - $69

Luggage cost for 2 bags - $60

Change fee to move my flight up to an earlier flight - $75

Snack box meal on the flight - $9

Wi-Fi while on the flight - $15

Movie entertainment player rental during the flight - $16

GRAND TOTAL: $1,337

Keep in mind, that’s for one person….

Service isn't the same either.  If you’re sitting in an exit row and the flight attendant asks you if you are willing and able to assist other passenger in the event that an evacuation of the plane is necessary, you must say “Yes” and nothing more.  You can’t nod your head; say “Sure,” or “Ok,” or “Absolutely.”  The only acceptable answer is “Yes.”  If you refuse to say “Yes” the attendant can remove you from your seat.   If you need to use the restroom while in flight and you’re seating in coach, you’re not allowed to use the restroom in the 1^st class cabin.  You must turn off your phone prior to flight, put away your laptop, and stow your carryon underneath the seat in front of you.  You cannot get up until the Captain says it’s safe enough to do so, and you must wear your seatbelt at all times.  Again, I understand all of these measures are supposed to be for our own safety, but the fun of flying is not there for me any longer.

So here I sit, waiting for another flight from one airport to another.  I’ve survived the security line and all its checkpoints,   and I pray TSA isn’t waiting at my gate to check me once again before I board.  I pray that the flight attendants are nice, that I have at least a reasonable amount of legroom (after all, I paid $69 for that luxury), and that the person sitting next to me doesn’t decide that they deserve the arm rest between us more than I do.

I know I’ll take countless more flights in my life before I’m no longer able, but I simply ask that common sense once again rule the day and the airline industry decides that service above profit is more important.

A Common Man

Decisions, Decisions...

Decisions, Decisions…

Life is all about making decisions.   No matter what we do every waking moment of our day, we make decisions.  When should I get up?  What should I wear?  What will I pack in my lunch for the day?  What will I try and get accomplished at work today?  Will I workout after I get home?  Will I run on the treadmill or on the road?  What will I have for dinner?  What will I watch on TV?  Will I work on the paper I keep putting off?  Decisions, decisions.

 For the past year or so I’ve been looking at a career change.  I’ve been working in the public sector for nearly 25 years.  I’ve felt a yearning to move into the private sector and look for work closer to my parents.  They aren’t getting any younger, and I have felt that I still have 12-15 more years of good work in me to be of value to an organization. 

The decision to move from public to private sector isn’t an easy one.  Many would argue that the public sector offers job security that the private sector cannot.  The reality is that the public sector is becoming less and less secure each and every day.  Defense budget cuts are affecting working conditions.  We are having to do more with less, and make sure we are justifying our existence.  If you’re not able to prove that your location is of worth to the department of defense mission, you’re likely to be shut down and forced to relocate – or even retire.

My decision to move into the private sector have to do with several factors; economics, opportunity, and adventure.  Economically the private sector offers more in compensation and benefits.  Relocation costs are extremely expense these days.  There are very few opportunities for relocation assistance in the public sector anymore.  Defense budget cuts just don’t allow for it.  On the other hand, bigger firms in the private sector can assist with moves, temporary housing and allowances, not to mention higher salary and yearend bonus incentives.

Job opportunities in the private sector are improving each year as our nation pulls itself out of the recession of 2008/2009.  Lean engineering, process improvement, change management and six sigma processes are gaining in popularity as more organizations begin to see the value in streamline operations.  Salaries are extremely competitive, and larger firms are able to entice top talent with top dollar pay and bonus options.

Finally, the adventure of moving to a new location, establishing a new residency, working along side new coworkers, making new friends, and having new neighbors can be exciting and refreshing.  Sometimes change can do a soul some good.

To me, my family is everything.  The decision to move from the public to the private sector can only work if my family is on board with it.  Every decision I make along the way - What salary should I ask for?, Is the new location a safe and secure one to raise a daughter and make my wife happy?, Is this a good time in my career to make a move?, etc.  All of these questions and the decisions I make along the way will help define the next 15 years of our lives.  I’d better make sure they’re the right decisions.

So I ask you, what decisions are you facing in the coming days, months, years?  How are you taking them on, my friend?

A Common Man